Friday is the last day of term for us student nurses and boy I cant wait for some. In the past few months lots of things have happened. I just about survived placement, biology exams, work, lots of friends have had a lot of babies and its only now Im getting around to meeting some of these little ones. Phew its been a really busy few months :(
I was so glad when placement finished tho it started to go spectacularly badly as time went on. Don't get me wrong it was a nice nursing home, much better staffing and care wise for the clients who lived there than the place I used to work at. I just couldn't shake the feeling that I was doing something wrong, I was a terrible nurse and that Id end up abusing all those in my care. And a terrible sense of guilt, some of the team were really supportive knowing the circumstances in which I left my last job. I guess Ive been feeling that way because I kinda felt that I should challenge every bad thing that I saw, and couldnt always challenge as a student. I've also lost the ability to rely on my own judgement at the moment which left me feeling incredibly insecure on placement. My mentor wasn't much help on this front I held back a lot not wanting to come across as unconfident, but mostly when I did ask for guidance on things my mentor would go off into random rants about past students, the University or the NMC which left me even more confused! The upshot of all this is that I came off placement seriously considering leaving the course. I've passed my placement Yay but I have been talking with my personal tutor about intermitting from the course.
That in itself has made me feel better, came up with a plan that involves putting in a mitigating circumstances claim for two modules whose assesment pieces are imminently due, I was so anxious I didn't even know if I could sit my Biology exam, but I told myself if I didn't then I could not go away for the weekend with my friends so I duly sat the exam even though Id only had about four hours sleep in two days. I'm not entirely sure how I've done one section I know I completely messed up, two of them I felt okish with so hopefully Ive passed the bloody thing. Im leaving the decision as to weather I intermit or not until after the holidays. At present I have about 5 solid reasons why I want to remain on the course and about 3 pages worth of reasons why I should just jack it in.
Well Id better be off to put together this presentation, then off to meet my friends little person yay :D
That in itself has made me feel better, came up with a plan that involves putting in a mitigating circumstances claim for two modules whose assesment pieces are imminently due, I was so anxious I didn't even know if I could sit my Biology exam, but I told myself if I didn't then I could not go away for the weekend with my friends so I duly sat the exam even though Id only had about four hours sleep in two days. I'm not entirely sure how I've done one section I know I completely messed up, two of them I felt okish with so hopefully Ive passed the bloody thing. Im leaving the decision as to weather I intermit or not until after the holidays. At present I have about 5 solid reasons why I want to remain on the course and about 3 pages worth of reasons why I should just jack it in.
Well Id better be off to put together this presentation, then off to meet my friends little person yay :D
